Home sweet home

I am home in SLO. It is so nice to be home in my little house. The heater is going and I am working, as usual. I think I experienced the let down after a vacation for the first time in a long time. I use to so look forward to coming home and resting after family vacations. I guess this solo vacation was a real treat.

Happy Holidays.

In San Francisco

I know I have been entering up beat and hopeful entries throughout my trip. These feelings were real and so amazing, but as I headed home I felt the heaviness. I landed at SFO with heavy heart, on the verge of tears, feeling sorry for myself that there wasn't anyone I should call. No one waiting for my return home. The funny thing is that one friend did call right after I pick up my car and I called another on my way to see my lovely daughter. I am not alone in this world. I know that. I know that my trip to NYC was a kind of experiment, one that went very well. I can travel by myself and really enjoy it. But, I am alone, un-partnered. These both are true.

Thanks for following me, for helping me connect. I love all of you and look forward to seeing you soon.

ugh.....

Loosing sucks!

I traveled to Brooklyn with a couple other parents and so it wasn't too bad maneuvering the subway.

I am feeling kind of down. This is usually how I feel in SLO, but not how I have felt here in NYC. I am wondering about it. Is it the basketball loss? or the return to real life? or just being lonely? Who knows. Maybe it will pass.

I leave tomorrow morning at 11:00 and arrive in SFO at 5:00pm. I will spend the night with Erica (but will not talk to her as she is writing a paper). Then on Friday I will visit a company in Santa Cruz and get home late on Friday. I suppose I will make a couple more blog entries.

Homeward bound.

MoMA NYC

This is a fantastic museum. So many famous artists and such a variety. It is huge too. Walked around for about 4 hours. My back hurt some, so I sat and people watched too. There is something about art that expresses emotion in a way I don't use much. I am a fairly emotional person (ok, I am a really emotional person - some say dramatic), but I live in a cognitive/intellectual world. I can see I need more art and artist expression. I have uploaded some of the art I saw today, and a piece I did a while back. Can you tell which is mine? :) the other thing I see in the art is the full range of emotion, from sad to mad to happy. This is one of the only places where all emotion is acceptable. I like that.

Some other random thought:

- I have a hard time deciding what to eat. I think this has always been the case, but I blamed it on others. I want to choose the best thing: most nutritious, best tasting, just the right amount (because I eat all I am served). I find that this standard is so hard to achieve and I am mostly disappointed and frustrated that I wasted these calories on something not quite right. Well, something else strange about me.

- I am so glad I am not driving in NYC. It is impossible. I even feel sorry for cab drivers.

- Twice today as I was walking there was a bunch of NYPD concentrated around one block with lots of people standing around. I wonder what these events are.

Off to a basketball game in an hour or so. Subway to Brooklyn.....Yikes! new public transportation obsession is beginning. Why can't I remember I have navigated this kind of thing before?

Apologies to Erica, Cammie and Molly......

.......I should have gone to Lion King with you three. I missed you so much. I sang along (quietly) and laughed at Timon and Pumba, remembering all the times we watched that video when you were little. But really the show was spectacular. I cried on and off, and not when Mufasa died....just cried because of the beauty.

I had dinner with Kim, Brittany's mom, Kelly, T's mom, and a foreign exchange students of Kelly's (I can't remember his name). It was nice being with people, but in some ways I missed being alone too. I remember a friend of mine told me about getting married or having a boyfriend, that being with someone has to be better than being alone. I think I am finally understanding the joys of being alone. If I am with people, I want it to be people who talk about real things. Rainer Maria Rilke said, "I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone."

I thought I was going to MOMA today, but it is closed on Tuesdays. I went to the Guggenheim instead (see earlier post). I walked 2 miles through Central Park. It was so nice to walk and think. I was thinking about relationships, love, commitment, possession, and intimacy. These are things we sometimes think go together in a marriage. The only one that is kind of negative is possession. But the others we think of as nice to have, but what if a relationship doesn't have all these things, and maybe is only possession. I was thinking about my marriage and any future relationship I might have. How do I want to approach it, and really, now that I enjoy the aloneness, do I even need a relationship? I guess the thing I miss is intimacy, but could it be found without a committed relationship? Or am I just justifying my singleness? Sometimes I wonder about humans and our powerful minds. Do i think to much? is there such a thing?

Guggenheim

So great to fit the museum today. It was quite amazing to see the interesting art. There is an exhibit there by Maurizio Cattelan. I really enjoyed it. Here is a video of the exhibit.

I walked through Central park. I have lots more questions. I will write some more later, off to dinner and Lion King.

Tiramisu at Serafina

Dinner was so good. I had a seat by the window so I could watch people walk by. There was even an ambulance that stopped right in front of the restaurant during dinner. I sat there for almost two hours and could have continued to people watch for a while longer, but now I am back in my sweet hotel room in my comfortable bed so I can finish grading.

It seems that the thing I think are so hard are not at all. They are even pleasant. I hope I continue to remember this.