Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Apologies to Erica, Cammie and Molly......

.......I should have gone to Lion King with you three. I missed you so much. I sang along (quietly) and laughed at Timon and Pumba, remembering all the times we watched that video when you were little. But really the show was spectacular. I cried on and off, and not when Mufasa died....just cried because of the beauty.

I had dinner with Kim, Brittany's mom, Kelly, T's mom, and a foreign exchange students of Kelly's (I can't remember his name). It was nice being with people, but in some ways I missed being alone too. I remember a friend of mine told me about getting married or having a boyfriend, that being with someone has to be better than being alone. I think I am finally understanding the joys of being alone. If I am with people, I want it to be people who talk about real things. Rainer Maria Rilke said, "I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone."

I thought I was going to MOMA today, but it is closed on Tuesdays. I went to the Guggenheim instead (see earlier post). I walked 2 miles through Central Park. It was so nice to walk and think. I was thinking about relationships, love, commitment, possession, and intimacy. These are things we sometimes think go together in a marriage. The only one that is kind of negative is possession. But the others we think of as nice to have, but what if a relationship doesn't have all these things, and maybe is only possession. I was thinking about my marriage and any future relationship I might have. How do I want to approach it, and really, now that I enjoy the aloneness, do I even need a relationship? I guess the thing I miss is intimacy, but could it be found without a committed relationship? Or am I just justifying my singleness? Sometimes I wonder about humans and our powerful minds. Do i think to much? is there such a thing?

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